‘They’ve murdered a timeless classic’ – You’re wasting your money if you go and see Murder on the Orient Express, warns student Valentina Servera

Murder On The Orient Express is one of those timeless classics and, I believe, what Agatha Christie created with this book is something that will last forever. What they’ve done, however, with the movie version is actual murder.
So, imagine you’re going to the cinema, you spend £8.50, and thank God for the student discount, and you see those big names up on screen, Johnny Depp and Penelope Cruz. You think, you can’t possibly go wrong with this movie. Not with all these stars. It seems you can.

I don’t know if they spent all their budget on the A-list actors, I don’t know if they have even read the book, but what I’m sure is that the only murder worth noting was how they killed that book. Let me save you two hours of your life, the movie is not worth it.

Kenneth Branagh (Hercules Poirot in the movie) Is not even close to what Agatha described, a cheap version of a French accent, when he is meant to be from Belgium, not egg-shaped head, no fatness, NO POIROT! He’s not even bald!
Another heart-breaking moment was Penelope’s role in this movie, I mean she played the part well, but if you’re going to hire such a star for your movie give her some more screen time! I don’t know if she was charging them for every sentence, but she had four and appeared like a shadow in all the scenes. Meanwhile, the part of Mrs. Hubbard was played by an over-acting and hard to believe Michelle Pfeiffer. Who definitely was expensive for the producers was Johnny Depp because he doesn’t last long in this one…
And let me talk to you about the camera man. I don’t know if he was high, or he just simply thought he was Spiderman but the high-angle shot in every single scene was too much, it was so hard not to whitey in the middle of the cinema, I bet that would have been more entertaining than the movie.
PS: Cinema World, I was so disappointed in your popcorn….

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