I am in love with my best friend.
She doesn’t know.
Writing this is probably one of the hardest things I have ever done – and I’ve tried to quit smoking about 8 times.
I don’t know how to handle or express it so I am going to have to approach this in the form of questions.
Of all you readers here with a best friend of the gender you are attracted to,
How can you not fall madly in love with them?
You share the same ideals and outlook on life – your politics even line up. You go to them with every hair brained idea for a story to write or a video to produce, and they love it.
How can they tell you that they have rescued yet another poor animal (after swearing off doing this for the umpteenth time) and not want to just kiss them right there and then for being the most beautiful soul in your life?
How can you talk to someone nearly every day, sometimes till the birds are waking up and not fall for them?
It’s pillow talk but on messenger.
You have someone there that you automatically think about when something amazing has happened, or when you need someone to console in. You share your deepest thoughts and most precious memories with – I’m talking shit you haven’t even told your cat!
They confide in you multiple secrets and you to them. It kills you every time they cry or get upset and you feel like you need to find a way to make this better. You need to find a way to make this go away and make them happy. Your happiness doesn’t even factor into this: this is all about them.
How do you keep sane?
How can you sit by as they talk about a date that is coming up and tell them not to worry because they will probably fall for them – just like you have? How do you keep that twisting in your gut from taking over and just walking away?
Because this is killing me every day. I am terrified of not saying anything and sitting on the side, my heart breaking with the thought of what could be.
But I have the most amazing friendship and I am terrified, absolutely terrified of taking a chance and telling her. Of losing her completely.
I don’t know if I can risk that.